Lily's Autism Eval

Well, today was the day. I was praying for an accurate eval, that she would just behave how she would normally and not be too fussy or anything. She did wonderfully behavior wise. No tantrums, very laid back. They were very careful not to upset her (as they were for the initial eval, which I was glad for). It was very hard to sit and watch and not try to engage her. I wanted to show them everything that she could do, and how to engage her to get a response, but that's not how it works. They need to know how SHE is, not how she is under certain circumstances with certain people. I kept wanting to show them how to ask the questions so she'd understand, or how to get her to look at them, or explain why she is doing what she is doing. That's not life though, and wouldn't make for accurate testing.

I recognized exactly what they were looking for with everything they were doing with her (this was her 5th eval), and they explained a lot of what they were looking for as well. She did a lot of her "arm over her eyes" thing, for lengthy time periods. There really is no reason behind this (no certain time she does it). She was happy and content to play with the toys. This is the behavior she chooses in place of spinning now (though she still does spin). I think mostly because she can do it anytime(sitting in the carseat, stroller, highchair). I think she does it as a way to comfort herself, like a kid sucking their thumb, only she does it quite a bit and it interrupts much of her activities (kind of like pressing the pause button for anywhere from 10-40 seconds at a time, sometimes much longer).

Mostly they were looking at how she interacted with them as well as with her environment. She didn't respond to her name even one time (even when they asked me to say it). She made very little eye contact. She did play appropriately with a lot of the toys, I think, but the blocks she lined up in a row and made sure the same side of all the blocks was facing up. She wanted to match like with like and even grabbed the duck out of the diaper bag to go along with the duck she was playing with.

They video taped everything so that they could go over it to make sure that they didn't miss anything. They are going to score everything and write up a report, which we'll see next week when we go in to have them talk with us. I'm pretty nervous about it, and that surprises me. I know she is on the spectrum, I know they will tell me that. It's WHERE she is that scares me. I don't want her to be farther on the spectrum than where I think she is. I know it really doesn't matter, she's doing so well now. I know she will continue to blossom and be mainstreamed, but there is a part of me that is scared that she won't. Anthony told me that my opinion of her is biased. I recognize that that is true. As a parent you see your child as perfect. Lily is absolutely perfect in my eyes and I just see her as needing more time to learn things and special ways of learning. Realistically I know she needs more help than just what I can give but I always just wish that if I'll just love her enough her hardships will go away. Well, I love her enough to make sure that she gets everything that needs, even if it means finding other people to do it or show me how. It's still going to be a rough road but I'm thinking with the "official" diagnosis I will be able to get her more help and move things along even faster. I know she would absorb more if she didn't need to press the pause button all the time. If I can find a way to curb that behavior (she's very persistent with that one) then I think she could do even better.

Anyway, rambling aside, I am so very proud of my little girl and can't wait to see what she learns next!